Tag: vulnerable

Twenty – You

2020

A new decade. 

Any day can be the day we start something fresh or close a chapter of our lives, but to me there is something invigorating and magical surrounding this time of the year. It’s a time to realign ourselves – to become even more of who and what we want to be.

Happy New Year. 

This platform is a space I created so I could be authentically and unashamedly myself. I share it with all of you because my writing is a process I use to organize the chaos in my soul and heal my spirit. If it resonates with or can help any one of you feel understood, not alone or better able to connect with someone then my purpose of sharing my thoughts is fulfilled.

That being said, I cannot muster up enough words (even for me – hard to believe, I know) to articulate the immense sense of gratitude I feel that you are taking time out of your day to read the pieces I write. If you’ve been with me since the beginning of twentysomethingchronicles or have entrusted me with your time along the way, I thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you for entering into this sacred space with me.

“Just because I carry it all so well doesn’t mean it’s not heavy.”

Over the last year, my life was uprooted in more ways than one and my heart just ached with grief and fear of the future. Let me tell you something – grief and fear are one hell of a toxic combination. The anger, confusion, emptiness and emotions attached are intense. My heart felt as if it had weakened. My confidence diminished and I found myself losing sight of who I was and what direction to go in. It brought me to a place where I needed to reevaluate who and what aligns with the life I strive to create for myself. Whether it be staying complacent in any aspect of our lives or harnessing relationships with the wrong people, the universe works overtime to make us uncomfortable when our growth is being hindered.

I feel incredibly grateful for the unwavering love, support and guidance from the people I am surrounded by in my life. The people who saw the darkness overpowering my soul+spirit and refused to jump ship. These individuals are the people you instinctively cherish the most because they are the ones who love you with the same conviction as you love them, even in the moments when you can only show up in pieces. It was also in my harder times when I was introduced to some new incredibly special people. By embracing our vulnerabilities we were able to connect openly, honestly and create bonds because we saw each other through the lens of compassion.

Throughout all of this, I learned some really important lessons. Release the people who took a piece of you, your heart or your spirit. The pain they ensued was merely a reflection of them; the pain does not define who you are or your worth. You are the ONLY ONE who defines your worth. And please, do not allow the hurt to inhibit you from opening up to new people and allowing yourself to be seen as all that you are. The people meant for you will embrace you, love you and fill your life with joy and I promise you this – it will be reciprocated.

“This is your life. And if you want to change it, the first step is realizing that you’ve had the power all along.”

No one can build your life for you and you must remember that YOU (and only you) have power over what the narrative to your story is going to sound and feel like. Please know that the healing process is not linear. Some days just being able to say to yourself, “I am exactly where I need to be and I am doing the best I can do right here, right now” is enough.

The only person you can rely on showing up day in and day out for you is yourself. Show up for yourself. This is your journey and there is no right or wrong way of traveling it. Our lives are not one-size-fits-all.

Connect with your truth – what are your core values? 

Determine them. Show up for them. Be loyal to them.

These shape your behaviors and ultimately your habits. When you are aligned with these values, they dictate your day-to-day. As they say, “you can’t just talk the talk, you must walk the walk.” And as a result, you authentically love yourself. You are proud of the life you are cultivating. And you will no longer be a prisoner of other people’s judgments or malicious actions.

“The most important relationship you are ever going to have is the one you hold with yourself.”

A loving reminder from me to you – your powers come from within.

Head up, heart strong.

Blazing Truths

What drives you?

Your pain or your compassion?

I ask this question with strong intent to understand people on a deeper level. Our hearts and minds can be messy. It’s important to communicate openly and honestly with one another about where we’ve been, where we’re at and the direction in which we want to go. Yes, that requires vulnerability – something many of us shy away from. But vulnerability allows us to be seen and heard. It is the ability to open up our hearts to one another, provide a sense of belonging and remind each other that we are worthy even if our scars have made us feel like we are not.

Each experience gives us a voice, even if it shakes. Speak your truth and be authentically yourself.  I can guarantee you will never look back and regret standing proud in who you are. If we are willing to do that then we can intentionally make our mark on the lives of those who we connect with. Time is a fickle thing so be bold in who and how you love. Whether it is short-lived or long-winded, we must speak blazing truths and indulge in divine chemistry with one another. Stay in your magic– the world truly needs it.

Head up, heart strong.

Dark Realities

An emotionally dark place is accompanied by pain, fear, and even stages of numbness. It is a cold and lonely road. In my darkest times I have always turned to my writing. But for the first time, no amount of my words felt as if they would be powerful enough to shed light on overwhelming circumstances. I had complete writers block. Until yesterday, when it was someone else’s words that resonated with me. My friend said to me, “sometimes it’s good to release the sad, we can’t be truly happy if we don’t let ourselves express our sorrows,” he continued, “your words will come to you.” He reminded me why it was words that I always turned to. My writing brings me peace. “I write to hold on. I write to let go. I write because I am a firm believer that we do not have to go through things alone – the good and the bad.” Thank you, Isiah, for reminding me of that.

  • misfortune: (n) an unfortunate condition or event
  • sorrow: (n)  a feeling of deep distress caused by loss, disappointment, or other misfortune suffered by oneself or others.

We all have our own problems or experiences that cause pain. Through my years I have learned that no experience or problem can be compared or classified as big or small. Our sadness derives from the fact that the situation at hand is close to our hearts and who or what it is matters to us, to our souls. Everyone is different. We all carry the weight of our sorrows in our own ways. Personally, I choose to suffer in silence. As a woman who is very used to being the strong and independent one, it is hard to be completely vulnerable to others. But I am trying to learn that being vulnerable isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s merely human. So, tonight, I write with a heavy heart and a bit of vulnerability.

We make sacrifices for the people we love. We give away a little bit of our hearts and ourselves to everyone that we truly love, all the while having faith that the space we clear will be filled in return. Unfortunately, that is not always the case. Sometimes we are making space for others and when it is not filled we are left with a feeling of emptiness. It is an emptiness that can consume a part of your heart, leaving a void that cannot be filled. There are no promises in love. There is no written contract that states that if you generously give your time, energy and love to other people that they too must return it. It is not how life works. I’ve learned that the hard way – more than once; and I am sure that I will experience it many more times throughout my life. Sometimes our love is not enough to make people stay. 

Maybe this is true. That there are some of us who give love and some of us who take love; and that those who give can’t help giving just as those who take can’t help taking; and maybe this is what holds the world in balance. [Chris Abani]