Tag: trust

Twenty – You

2020

A new decade. 

Any day can be the day we start something fresh or close a chapter of our lives, but to me there is something invigorating and magical surrounding this time of the year. It’s a time to realign ourselves – to become even more of who and what we want to be.

Happy New Year. 

This platform is a space I created so I could be authentically and unashamedly myself. I share it with all of you because my writing is a process I use to organize the chaos in my soul and heal my spirit. If it resonates with or can help any one of you feel understood, not alone or better able to connect with someone then my purpose of sharing my thoughts is fulfilled.

That being said, I cannot muster up enough words (even for me – hard to believe, I know) to articulate the immense sense of gratitude I feel that you are taking time out of your day to read the pieces I write. If you’ve been with me since the beginning of twentysomethingchronicles or have entrusted me with your time along the way, I thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you for entering into this sacred space with me.

“Just because I carry it all so well doesn’t mean it’s not heavy.”

Over the last year, my life was uprooted in more ways than one and my heart just ached with grief and fear of the future. Let me tell you something – grief and fear are one hell of a toxic combination. The anger, confusion, emptiness and emotions attached are intense. My heart felt as if it had weakened. My confidence diminished and I found myself losing sight of who I was and what direction to go in. It brought me to a place where I needed to reevaluate who and what aligns with the life I strive to create for myself. Whether it be staying complacent in any aspect of our lives or harnessing relationships with the wrong people, the universe works overtime to make us uncomfortable when our growth is being hindered.

I feel incredibly grateful for the unwavering love, support and guidance from the people I am surrounded by in my life. The people who saw the darkness overpowering my soul+spirit and refused to jump ship. These individuals are the people you instinctively cherish the most because they are the ones who love you with the same conviction as you love them, even in the moments when you can only show up in pieces. It was also in my harder times when I was introduced to some new incredibly special people. By embracing our vulnerabilities we were able to connect openly, honestly and create bonds because we saw each other through the lens of compassion.

Throughout all of this, I learned some really important lessons. Release the people who took a piece of you, your heart or your spirit. The pain they ensued was merely a reflection of them; the pain does not define who you are or your worth. You are the ONLY ONE who defines your worth. And please, do not allow the hurt to inhibit you from opening up to new people and allowing yourself to be seen as all that you are. The people meant for you will embrace you, love you and fill your life with joy and I promise you this – it will be reciprocated.

“This is your life. And if you want to change it, the first step is realizing that you’ve had the power all along.”

No one can build your life for you and you must remember that YOU (and only you) have power over what the narrative to your story is going to sound and feel like. Please know that the healing process is not linear. Some days just being able to say to yourself, “I am exactly where I need to be and I am doing the best I can do right here, right now” is enough.

The only person you can rely on showing up day in and day out for you is yourself. Show up for yourself. This is your journey and there is no right or wrong way of traveling it. Our lives are not one-size-fits-all.

Connect with your truth – what are your core values? 

Determine them. Show up for them. Be loyal to them.

These shape your behaviors and ultimately your habits. When you are aligned with these values, they dictate your day-to-day. As they say, “you can’t just talk the talk, you must walk the walk.” And as a result, you authentically love yourself. You are proud of the life you are cultivating. And you will no longer be a prisoner of other people’s judgments or malicious actions.

“The most important relationship you are ever going to have is the one you hold with yourself.”

A loving reminder from me to you – your powers come from within.

Head up, heart strong.

Souls

I turn twenty-three tomorrow. So as I do every year, I have reflected on my past and the impact it has made on my present. I like to take a glimpse at my experiences and decide where it will lead me during the year ahead. With a heavy heart and optimistic soul – I want to share with you all a lesson I have been learning over the course of my twenty-three years and a lesson I am still working on understanding entirely myself. Here goes nothing.

I have experienced a lot of heartbreak, especially recently. I have a big heart and I wear it on my sleeve. I am honest and loyal to the end. It is one of my greatest strengths. Unfortunately though, I often think that everyone else is like that too. Which is by no means a bad thing, however, it’s false. It is a risk to love. It can be fleeting, long-lasting or somewhere in between. Sometimes it doesn’t exist even when we think it does. That is when the head versus heart battle comes into play. More often than not, my heart says one thing while the logic in my mind tells me otherwise. My heart always wins. But my mind is always right. Everything in our lives can be a lesson if we let it. This year, my lesson came from heartbreak and it taught me about my soul.

Let me explain.

First, once I love someone, I always love them. “One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.” So as you read, you will notice I do not use the word “loved” because if you truly love someone, they remain in your heart – always. Second, I am not solely speaking of the romantic type of love. My heartache stems from both friendships and romantic involvement.

So what did these heartaches have in common? Well, they both hurt like hell. My heart aches and my eyes water thinking about it. I do not mean it in the dramatic way either. These are the type of heartaches that you carry with you for a lifetime. These type of individuals leave marks on your life and they take away a piece of your heart when they hurt you.

Someone once said,  “when one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” Now, I said that I learned a very important lesson about my soul. I learned that we humans have this incredible innate ability to recognize each other by vibes. If we meet someone and the vibes are positive than we have recognized that a part of our soul aligns with the others. Now I do not mean the type of positive vibes that people use in the context of fleeting happiness or upbeat moods. I mean the type of vibe that makes you feel connected to someone instantly.

I always say that time is just a concept and I firmly believe it. I have learned and been able to welcome new people into my life with whom my soul aligns. They are the type of honest, compassionate, loyal people who connect with me on a level deeper than the surface. These type of people come into your life and you hurt when the other does and you are full of joy when they are. It is a connection so strong that is makes any heartache you have been through feel worth it. How wonderful is it to know that from something so sad can lead to a feeling so incredible.

I encourage you all to follow your vibes. Connect with people through your souls. Trust me, you will know. It is a feeling you recognize immediately. I am lucky to have a few people in my life – old and new – whose souls have found mine.

As for the ones we love, but our souls do not align – be at peace with them, remind them you love them, and send them on their way. They too deserve to find whom their souls align with.

“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” -Thomas Merton