Tag: selflove

The Golden Rule

The Golden Rule –  “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Simply put, treat others as you would like to be treated. This is one of the oldest lessons in the book. A very matter-of-fact moral principle relating to a fundamental human nature that was taught to us in our early stages of life. But for some reason, our world is filled with individuals and groups that just do not seem to understand how matter of fact The Golden Rule truly is. Many times in my life I have been the victim of venomous words and actions. I too, have also been a perpetrator. We are in an era that makes forgetting The Golden Rule very easy. People hide behind computer screens and cell phones to verbally harass and abuse others. People are belittling one another through vicious words and name-calling. It’s hateful and it’s sick. They can be so tragically and traumatically cruel to strangers, friends and loved ones. I see too many people encouraging disparaging remarks and actions. I witness too many good people treating others with apparent disdain for them. We are all worthy of seeking respect and others are worthy of receiving it.

Words and actions are powerful. They can be so influential to the point that they change peoples’ lives – for the better and for the worse. I have seen both. I have experienced both. As a product of other peoples’ insecurities, I have been torn apart mentally through both words and actions. As an outcome? Well, I became who I am today. A woman I am proud to be. Not perfect, not near it but I am working to be the best version of myself that I can be and then I am going to strive to be even better than that. We as a generation need to spend more time building one another up, supporting each other on our paths to success and teaching our younger generations love and kindness rather than hate and cruelty.

I am not naive. I am not blind to the reasons why people are mean. But I do not want to live my life putting other people down. I do not like everyone. Matter of fact, my circle is small. But I will not lower myself to the levels of others who treat people with disrespect. This world can be hard and life is messy. Everyone truly is fighting their own battles. The way we can make a difference in this world is to help make others’ lives just a little bit easier, lighter, and happier. And if you cannot do that, keep your disrespect and blatant disregard for good to yourself. Indulge in kind words, big hearts and the potential of goodness that we have within ourselves. Inspire yourself to inspire others. It is an act so simple yet so immense. Mother Teresa said, “I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”

Almost.

I think in life there are just some things that we are never going to make sense of. There are questions that will never have answers; opportunities that will lie dormant and passed by. Endless scenarios will manifest in our minds, but that’s what they will be – mere scenarios. Because at the end of the day our reality is just what it is, or almost was. We got a taste of something good, we skimmed the surface, we almost figured it out, but not quite.

“Almost” – it’s one of the saddest words in the English language. Something or someone being close enough but not quite all there. Something with infinite possibility but it fell short.

“Almost” – it’s such a peculiar word. Very nearly but not quite. It is a word shadowed with a feeling of hopelessness and a bit of emptiness. Very often it is something or someone close to our hearts. An opportunity missed.

I guess the almost moments in our lives happen because not everything is meant to work out the way we’d hoped. Maybe, just maybe, our almosts lead us to be better. We have to learn hard lessons and use them to succeed the next time around.

Our almost moments are great times for reflection. It is in times like this to get in touch with our souls. Our souls need to be cared for because without a healthy soul we cannot love or live to our fullest potentials. In your almost moments, take the time to rid the burdens that are disturbing your soul. Those burdens are the reasons why something wonderful remains an “almost something wonderful.” Do not be the reason that you are not genuinely happy. Stop allowing fear to turn your absolutes into almosts.

I love my almost moments. In such beautiful chaos, I can step back and see the purpose in all of it. Our almost moments become a part of us. They are our stories to tell. They are our defining moments. That alone, makes our almost moments some of the most special.

“He was almost in love. She was almost good for him. He almost stopped her. She almost waited. They almost made it.” 

 

Seek Your(selfish)

Many times in my life I have neglected my own happiness in fear that I would be hurting the feelings of someone I care about. I’ve done it with friends, family, and lovers. Not to fault of their own. My heart is big, my soul genuine. I love, and I love unconditionally. But there is truth in the saying, “It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply.” I am not great at being selfish. Most of the time that I have decided to put myself before others it resulted in me feeling torn down or regretful. However, being selfish is something that every individual should practice. It is healthy for our minds and souls to be aware and active in putting ourselves first. There is a thin line between being selfish for the good and just straight out being a selfish person. One lies within conscious decision making and positive outcomes. The other can be destructive to both oneself and your relationships due to the misguided interpretation of what being selfish means. This is not black and white. This is a balancing act. Put yourself first in situations or decisions that better your quality of life. By bettering your own life, you can then contribute to the lives of the ones around you. Build yourself up so you can build up others. Choose carefully who you put before your own happiness. Just because you do it for them does not mean that the gesture will be returned. There are no guarantees in this life but one thing I know for certain is that if you follow your intuition when it comes to making connections to souls aligned with yours, you will not be left disappointed. You will find that encouragement, inspiration and happiness come easy with these people because they understand the cycle. These are the ones that will contribute to the quality of your life.

Be whole alone. Make an investment in yourself. Then share your greatness with the world. 

Unedited.

We are always learning something new about ourselves. Sometimes the days pass us by and we don’t even realize that we’re understanding new aspects of who we are. Then there are the rare but truly remarkable moments – an instant that washes over us and suddenly we feel as if we have a little more clarity on who we are. I love those moments. I embrace them.

I write quite often about being “lost.” If you have read my previous posts, then you know that I do not associate the feeling of being lost with negativity. Frankly, I think it is a rather useful feeling as we are each going about our own journeys. As I get older and the road gets windier, instead of seeking answers, I find myself asking more questions. The questions are endless and the roads that lead to the answers are nothing short of complex. 

I am a creature of habit. I have always loved routine. I like plans and stability. But, my soul disagrees. In my young adulthood, I am learning day-in and day-out that familiar is beginning to scare me. I am finding a real sense of discomfort and unhappiness in the familiar aspects of my life. My days have begun to feel filled with familiar faces; but ones that lack consistency, loyalty, honesty and sincerity. These are merely just words on a screen but within them lies significant power and meaning. The familiar faces I am surrounded by are starting to be associated with heartbreak, distrust and ingenuity. I do not mean that these people are all specifically treating me with a lack of these virtues but they lack them in the way they treat themselves and others throughout their daily lives. It is terrible and heartbreaking.

This matter leads me to my next point. I do not know who I am in entirety but I have a great sense of independence and will to find out. I soothe my soul through writing and I feed my soul through love and exploration.

“My heart wants roots and my mind wants wings”

Aforementioned, I recently had my own moment of clarity. It was a brief moment, but one thats wake is still washing over me. My moment was well balanced as I was in an unknown city accompanied by a most familiar face. My best friend. An extraordinary human. One who speaks and lives out the virtues of consistency, loyalty, honesty and sincerity. She inspires me.

I am passionate and most inspired by ideas, attitudes and experiences. The unfamiliar excites me and traveling entices me. Traveling holds promises of worldly experience and the opportunity to continually grow and learn about myself and the wonderful things this world has to offer. I do not travel to escape, I travel to capture the very moments that I am in. I travel because when I am in an unfamiliar place or circumstance, I am the most of who I want to be.

I hope that one day I can meet someone and together we can make the most of our moments – big and small. We can travel and ask questions together. But just as I am not seeking answers, I am not going to seek for the right company. Throughout my individual journey and experiences, I am sure that I will stumble upon all the humans that are meant to be in my life, and stay. I smile at the very thought of that day.

In closing, I do not have any answers, wise advice or main point to share with you all today. Everything I just shared with you was raw and unedited. I do not have any of the answers, but I do intend to continue asking questions. So for now, I leave you all with this:

If you’re feeling lost, that is okay. If you do not have the answers, that is okay. Hold onto the moments and the people that make you feel alive. Be present with them.

“The gift of presence is a rare and beautiful gift. To come – unguarded, undistracted – and be fully present, fully engaged with whoever we are with at the moment.” 

Balance

The brain is vast and powerful. Our minds are limitless and enable consciousness, perception, thinking, judgement, and memory.

Our minds have immense control. Our thoughts have power over our attitudes and actions. Positive thoughts lead to encouraging attitudes which result in beneficial actions. I am learning that as I change my mindset my life will progress in the way I want it to. I am not a negative person, I am however a sensitive one. I feel everything. The good and the bad. I carry my emotions and the emotions of the ones I love and care for. I wouldn’t change it for the world but someone very wise once told me that I need to be a swinging door rather than a sponge. I need to allow myself to feel the emotions as I must and then let them go. I am still working on it.

Multiple times in my life I have found myself lost and slightly off track. At these times my head, heart and actions have not aligned.  I have always held myself up to high standards and put myself under pressure to reach and even succeed in aspects of my life. But in order to achieve that, I must find balance. In the chaos of everyday life, it is easy to hone in on a few aspects of our lives and neglect the other facets that need care – including our own physical and psychological responsibilities. The process of creating and maintaining a balanced life may not be an easy task for all but it is important and achievable. I say this because I have done it before and I will do it again.

Personally, finding balance all starts with my mind.  I am a thinker. An analyzer. I like to observe, perceive, and reflect. I can be simple yet complicated. I am calm yet chaotic. I find myself focused and completely scatterbrained at the same time. Paulo Coelho once said, “life has many ways of testing a person’s will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen all at once.” Over the last few months, life has tested me. Life has thrown many obstacles and teachable moments my way. I did not fail but I did in fact lose balance. My heart was hurting, my head knew that I was losing balance but my actions weren’t changing in a positive way. Chaos can do that to a person. Grief especially can do that to someone.

I share this with you because losing balance can hurt our own souls but also the ones that we love. I encourage you to find balance in the chaos of what is your life. Spend time with your parents and family, make memories with friends, work hard at a career. Adventure. Travel. Expand your horizons by opening your minds. Learn new things about yourself and others. Be vast and brilliant as you all are.

Resilience

The past is never far. We carry it with us. Sometimes it becomes a part of who we are. Other times it is a distant memory. Every experience in our lives contributes to shaping the truest form of ourselves as we exist in the present and who we become in the future. Through pain and happiness, trial and triumph, we learn something new about ourselves and what it is that makes us the most of who we are and all we want to be.

Throughout my life one of the greatest strengths I have developed is the ability to be resilient. I have learned and built skills to endure both the past and impending adversity in my life. I made the decision years ago that I would take the toughest experiences in my life and transform them into learning the greatest lessons about myself. My decision to do so has liberated me in a way that most do not understand is possible when bad things happen. Being sad, resentful or angry for more than a short period of time never did work for me. I always allow myself to take the time I need to deal with the situation at hand whether it be an argument, heartbreak, death or so on. All the meanwhile continuing to move forward both physically and psychologically. I was in a dark place once – it was lonely and cold. Being angry at the world or another individual only hurts oneself. Be patient when you find yourself suffering. You can learn some wonderful traits about yourself all while building character as you see fit. Take what life throws at you and be afflicted with great fortitude. 

Souls

I turn twenty-three tomorrow. So as I do every year, I have reflected on my past and the impact it has made on my present. I like to take a glimpse at my experiences and decide where it will lead me during the year ahead. With a heavy heart and optimistic soul – I want to share with you all a lesson I have been learning over the course of my twenty-three years and a lesson I am still working on understanding entirely myself. Here goes nothing.

I have experienced a lot of heartbreak, especially recently. I have a big heart and I wear it on my sleeve. I am honest and loyal to the end. It is one of my greatest strengths. Unfortunately though, I often think that everyone else is like that too. Which is by no means a bad thing, however, it’s false. It is a risk to love. It can be fleeting, long-lasting or somewhere in between. Sometimes it doesn’t exist even when we think it does. That is when the head versus heart battle comes into play. More often than not, my heart says one thing while the logic in my mind tells me otherwise. My heart always wins. But my mind is always right. Everything in our lives can be a lesson if we let it. This year, my lesson came from heartbreak and it taught me about my soul.

Let me explain.

First, once I love someone, I always love them. “One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.” So as you read, you will notice I do not use the word “loved” because if you truly love someone, they remain in your heart – always. Second, I am not solely speaking of the romantic type of love. My heartache stems from both friendships and romantic involvement.

So what did these heartaches have in common? Well, they both hurt like hell. My heart aches and my eyes water thinking about it. I do not mean it in the dramatic way either. These are the type of heartaches that you carry with you for a lifetime. These type of individuals leave marks on your life and they take away a piece of your heart when they hurt you.

Someone once said,  “when one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” Now, I said that I learned a very important lesson about my soul. I learned that we humans have this incredible innate ability to recognize each other by vibes. If we meet someone and the vibes are positive than we have recognized that a part of our soul aligns with the others. Now I do not mean the type of positive vibes that people use in the context of fleeting happiness or upbeat moods. I mean the type of vibe that makes you feel connected to someone instantly.

I always say that time is just a concept and I firmly believe it. I have learned and been able to welcome new people into my life with whom my soul aligns. They are the type of honest, compassionate, loyal people who connect with me on a level deeper than the surface. These type of people come into your life and you hurt when the other does and you are full of joy when they are. It is a connection so strong that is makes any heartache you have been through feel worth it. How wonderful is it to know that from something so sad can lead to a feeling so incredible.

I encourage you all to follow your vibes. Connect with people through your souls. Trust me, you will know. It is a feeling you recognize immediately. I am lucky to have a few people in my life – old and new – whose souls have found mine.

As for the ones we love, but our souls do not align – be at peace with them, remind them you love them, and send them on their way. They too deserve to find whom their souls align with.

“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” -Thomas Merton

Transitions.

“Transitions in life are usually marked by major events. Birthdays, graduations, weddings. But the greater transitions often come out of smaller moments. When we stop and look at where we are. Because each time we see how far we’ve come, we also see how far we still have to go. In order to fully transform, we might need to free ourselves of everything we’ve been holding on to. To send us on our new path. The right one. But if, at the end, you find the person you’ve become is not the person you want to be, you can always turn around and try again. And maybe the next time, you won’t be so alone when it’s over.”

I absolutely love this piece of work. It is written with such beauty and elegance. It is another example of how powerful words can be when pieced together properly and written down for all to digest . Writing is a powerful pastime. Personally, I find writing to be liberating. It allows me to take all the emotions, on goings and chaos in my life and turn them into something winsome, meaningful and peaceful. It helps me to make sense of my world. I can only hope that it helps you make sense of yours, too.

I am currently going through multiple transitions in my life, as are most people. After all, life does appear to be a series of changes. Aforementioned, transitions often hail from the smaller moments in our lives. Step back and take a look at where you are, who you surround yourself with and what you are doing. Compare it to where you want to be, who you want to be surrounded by and what you want to be doing. Are they the same? If they are than I suppose you aren’t going through much transition, nor do you want to. Congratulations, you have it all figured out. However, I think it is safe to say that most of us are still searching and constantly changing. Some of us are longing for love, others want money and success, maybe you are someone who wants to travel and become cultured. Whatever it is. Whatever you are searching for – you are the only person who can free yourself from the bad, hold on to the great and create a new or extended path. We are the architects of our lives. We have the power to find what it is that we want, where we want it, with whom we want to share it. Take these small moments, reflect on them. Adjust accordingly.

As I transition through my life, my mindset is always broadening. I am learning acceptance, peace and self-happiness. I am becoming less of who I was, and more of who I want to be. I can only hope that you all do the same for yourselves. We only get one shot at this life – aspire to be the person you want to be and achieve the life you so desire.

All my love.

Get Lost. Find Yourself.

I have lost myself in the things and people I loved, I have found myself in these things too. I get lost for a little while, then I find that I learn something new about myself. It is an interesting concept. I do not always think that “getting lost” is a bad thing either. Sometimes getting lost can be fun and memorable. It can help one grow.

Have you ever been on a road trip and you take a wrong turn? End up getting lost for hours when that wasn’t the plan? Did you create new memories? Yell at and laugh with the person accompanying you on the ride to your destination? I bet if you have, they are fond memories. One time, when I was in high school, I got stuck with my two older brothers and sister-in-law on our trip home from New Hampshire. Now, if you know anything about myself and my family, my two brothers and I being stuck in a car together for any extended period of time could be described as “disastrous.” But I have to admit, it is one of my fondest memories to date. We laughed, bonded, yelled, might have cussed a bit. We were lost (literally and figuratively), but we all found out a little bit more about ourselves that day. We even found out a little bit more about each other.

Our lives are made up of millions of “road trips” (metaphorically of course) that never go quite as planned. We get lost but we always end up at the destination. Maybe not the destination we originally planned, maybe one we never even knew about, but we always end up where we should be.

I hope that you get lost. Because if you are always getting lost, you are always finding out new things about yourself, and if you are lucky – about others too.

Get lost. Find Yourself.