Tag: risk

Twenty – You

2020

A new decade. 

Any day can be the day we start something fresh or close a chapter of our lives, but to me there is something invigorating and magical surrounding this time of the year. It’s a time to realign ourselves – to become even more of who and what we want to be.

Happy New Year. 

This platform is a space I created so I could be authentically and unashamedly myself. I share it with all of you because my writing is a process I use to organize the chaos in my soul and heal my spirit. If it resonates with or can help any one of you feel understood, not alone or better able to connect with someone then my purpose of sharing my thoughts is fulfilled.

That being said, I cannot muster up enough words (even for me – hard to believe, I know) to articulate the immense sense of gratitude I feel that you are taking time out of your day to read the pieces I write. If you’ve been with me since the beginning of twentysomethingchronicles or have entrusted me with your time along the way, I thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you for entering into this sacred space with me.

“Just because I carry it all so well doesn’t mean it’s not heavy.”

Over the last year, my life was uprooted in more ways than one and my heart just ached with grief and fear of the future. Let me tell you something – grief and fear are one hell of a toxic combination. The anger, confusion, emptiness and emotions attached are intense. My heart felt as if it had weakened. My confidence diminished and I found myself losing sight of who I was and what direction to go in. It brought me to a place where I needed to reevaluate who and what aligns with the life I strive to create for myself. Whether it be staying complacent in any aspect of our lives or harnessing relationships with the wrong people, the universe works overtime to make us uncomfortable when our growth is being hindered.

I feel incredibly grateful for the unwavering love, support and guidance from the people I am surrounded by in my life. The people who saw the darkness overpowering my soul+spirit and refused to jump ship. These individuals are the people you instinctively cherish the most because they are the ones who love you with the same conviction as you love them, even in the moments when you can only show up in pieces. It was also in my harder times when I was introduced to some new incredibly special people. By embracing our vulnerabilities we were able to connect openly, honestly and create bonds because we saw each other through the lens of compassion.

Throughout all of this, I learned some really important lessons. Release the people who took a piece of you, your heart or your spirit. The pain they ensued was merely a reflection of them; the pain does not define who you are or your worth. You are the ONLY ONE who defines your worth. And please, do not allow the hurt to inhibit you from opening up to new people and allowing yourself to be seen as all that you are. The people meant for you will embrace you, love you and fill your life with joy and I promise you this – it will be reciprocated.

“This is your life. And if you want to change it, the first step is realizing that you’ve had the power all along.”

No one can build your life for you and you must remember that YOU (and only you) have power over what the narrative to your story is going to sound and feel like. Please know that the healing process is not linear. Some days just being able to say to yourself, “I am exactly where I need to be and I am doing the best I can do right here, right now” is enough.

The only person you can rely on showing up day in and day out for you is yourself. Show up for yourself. This is your journey and there is no right or wrong way of traveling it. Our lives are not one-size-fits-all.

Connect with your truth – what are your core values? 

Determine them. Show up for them. Be loyal to them.

These shape your behaviors and ultimately your habits. When you are aligned with these values, they dictate your day-to-day. As they say, “you can’t just talk the talk, you must walk the walk.” And as a result, you authentically love yourself. You are proud of the life you are cultivating. And you will no longer be a prisoner of other people’s judgments or malicious actions.

“The most important relationship you are ever going to have is the one you hold with yourself.”

A loving reminder from me to you – your powers come from within.

Head up, heart strong.

Architects

“The core of who you are as a person I believe is permanent, a foundation built throughout the early years of your life. The good stuff however – kindness, selflessness, drive, reason and understanding, all come later. How you choose to decorate who you are is entirely up to you. So be creative.”

-Beau Taplin // The Architect

I’m here. I’m ready. Journeying freely throughout each given day.

The art of reflection is a beautiful practice.  It is a way to remind myself where I have been and the direction in which I want to set foot in. I encourage you to reflect, too.

This time of year I find myself especially focused on reflecting. For me, it is the perfect opportunity to step back and understand the complexities and simplicities of my trials and my successes over the past year. Often times we are so caught up in whatever is in front of us that we fail to make sense of it all. We are never going to be able to get closure, answers or understanding of everything that we experience + that is alright. Some experiences are meant to be a simple encounter at that. To distinguish the difference, I ask myself, “is it going to matter a year from now?”

I lead with my heart, but I will never stop questioning. My passion and desires are rooted deeply in my pursuit for growth. I want my soul to be fierce and free while simultaneously allowing myself to explore the truth that lies within my life. To successfully do this, I focus on three things: understanding myself wholly, journeying presently and being mindful of the key people in my life at each given time.

I want my soul to dance. I will move to the rhythm of love, compassion, understanding and open + honest communication. 

Open and honest communication allows me to diminish distance between myself and others. I am able to effectively convey my thoughts and feelings to both myself and the key people in my life.  I have said it before and I will say it again, my heart thrives on open outpours of love. I love my family who strengthen my heart. I love the one who puts a smile on my face as we grow separately, together. I love my friends and my deep connections with others. I am grateful for the ability to radiate the sensations that these relationships generate in my life.

We are the architects of our lives. Let’s commit. Let’s commit to seeking and pursuing our purposes and our truths genuinely, lovingly and with good intent. The time is now.

May you become everything and more. 

Drifted

Vulnerable, sensitive, rare

engulfed by all the one’s we’ve loved

connected to everything

always reminded of something

 

With compassion comes pain

isn’t it ironic?

we must carry the heaviness of our lives

or it will smother us

 

I’m no good at feeling, they say

the pain will go away

please stay

i should change my ways

 

Talk a lot but never really say anything

no action turning to silence

like sunset shadows and broken skies

we drift away into a new day

143.

Dance with Me

“Let em come, the storms, the rain. Let them blow and shake, rattle and flash. These feet will not move, I will lean into the fray and dance in the chaos. I am built for enduring all that can be thrown at me. See me here, still, and listen to the sky tremble.” // Tyler Knott

I’m dancing in the rain. This has been, to put it lightly, a whirlwind of a week, month, year. So here I am on the road again, endlessly discovering myself and my purpose. Refocused and ready to find clarify through this mayhem.

I have always said that time is merely a concept and for reasons that I cannot explain, life will turn to us at any given moment and say “time to put this chapter to rest, lets write an even better one.” So that is what we do, because at the end of the day I think it is safe to say we all know and understand that pain in never permanent.

One day, one decision, one brave moment; that is all it took. I sincerely believe that we have to take risks in order to learn hard life lessons. It isn’t always easy and I promise you that no matter how much you try, you will never be prepared for whatever the outcome is. I tried to protect and prepare myself for all possibilities: it was not enough. There are some things that we just cannot feel until we are in the moment as it is unraveling. Bittersweet and coated with anxiety. When it happened I thought the answer was to gulp the pain and avoid making others suffer. I put myself in a position that I perceived as weak. Thank-you to my friend who reminded me that taking a chance is brave and I should be proud – no matter the aftermath.

There is no growth in comfort. We grow most as a result of the painful and challenging times. This life is not a matter of win or lose – it is a matter of learning. If there is one lesson I encourage people to embrace in their own hardships, it is that you should never reject your instinct. Trust it. Look within and follow your gut – it is leading you somewhere. Be mindful of yourself. What is meant to be will be. I truly believe that some things are meant to stay while others are destined to leave. It is dangerous to count on someone else with your heart and soul. However it’s a risk we take and I’ll tell you one thing – it’s always worth it. People do not want that pressure; it scares them but we do it anyways; often times surprising ourselves with how much we are capable of. So be your own foundation and seek support from friends and family. They are your home team; they are your #1.

When you are facing times in your lives where you are hurt by circumstances you cannot control, take the chance that life is giving you to heal. When one door closes, many doors open.

So until then, dance with me in the rain.

 

Head up, heart strong.

 

Soul Mantra

To have a positive mind and a hopeful heart. That is how I am choosing each day to build my life rather than just merely living.

A soul mantra is simply a word or phrase that sets our intention for each day. A soul mantra is a compilation of various components:

  • Knowing Yourself
  • Mind, Body, Spirit
  • Knowing Others

Knowing Yourself

Here is my advice to you: Choose to immerse yourself in your own world and get into your head. Do not live in fear of the future or in the pain of the past. Get comfortable with yourself. Enjoy your own company and solitude. Be confident. Be proud of who you are. Be humble. Understand your strengths and your weaknesses.

When you make the decision to set your dreams and goals in motion you place yourself on the path to becoming the person you most want to be. You allow yourself to seek new experiences as well as good vibes and idiosyncratic thoughts all of which encourage you to grow. When you understand yourself, you learn to better understand others.

In the words of my friend Aaron Patterson, “I’m more comfortable with the fact that the moves I make are bringing me closer to my purpose.”

Mind, Body, Spirit

Life is about making conscious decisions to nourish both your body and soul with the right elements to help you stay strong and healthy. Your heart and soul is the very essence of your being.

Start by stepping back and gaining some perspective. Sometimes when we are too close to something or someone, we are unable to maintain a healthy perspective. Take the time to seek clarity. Many times we know that there are toxic habits or people in our lives and they can be all consuming so we think that they are contributing to our lives – we’re wrong.

Work on replacing bad habits with good ones. Remove people. You do not need to explain yourself. Accept that these people or habits have been a significant part of your life but that they may be hindering your growth. You will be in awe at the things that come to you when you open space for healthier things; sometimes things you didn’t even imagine possible.

Knowing Others

Aforementioned, seek new experiences as well as good vibes and idiosyncratic thoughts. Take the time to connect with like-minded peers but also subject yourself to individuals who have different perspectives and ways of thinking – you could learn something invaluable.

Open up conversation. Be an intellectual. Share your outlooks. Engage in the conversation and observe. You don’t always need to be the one talking; “listen with the intent to understand, not solely with the intent to reply.” Be genuine. We are in a generation where people are driven by money, status and especially ego. So open up a little bit, talk about passion and purpose, art and sports, likes and dislikes.

Discuss what inspires you on your best days and what motivates you on your hardest ones. 

Soul Mantra

Give out what you most want to come back because beauty and truth surrounds us. Be conscious of the energy you emit and connect with. 

Be with people whose company you enjoy as much or more than your solitude. Whether it’s grabbing a drink, relaxing at a coffee shop, exploring a new city or sitting on the couch at home. Make connections to souls aligned with yours. You will find that encouragement, inspiration and happiness come easy with these people. These are the ones that will contribute to the quality of your life. 

Sending positivity and peace to you all.

Dare to Show Up

It can be so easy to get caught up in the negative aspects of our lives. Because lets face it, everyone is going through something. Likely, we are all dealing with more than one negative situation that just flat out sucks. Big or small, we all have troubles. Some people share their problems in the hope that maybe the world will help to solve them. Others keep their problems quiet; silently tucked away in their hearts and minds. I do not want to talk much about the negative today, nor is that what this post is about. I just wanted to recognize the simple fact that we are all facing our own set of difficulties. I also want to remind both myself and all of you to not get so immersed in your problems that they begin to consume you. When they consume you, you become unable to keep the situation in perspective. You are also inhibited from keeping the problem at bay; resulting in an inability to solve it.

ʟɪғᴇ ɪs ᴀ ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛɪғᴜʟ ᴛʜɪɴɢ ɪғ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴇᴛ ɪᴛ ʙᴇ

Let the good consume you. Be filled with what excites your soul. Surround yourself with good company. Learn something new everyday. Teach something new everyday. We’re all here for the journey.

Stop talking about the past all the time, more-so, stop trying to alter it. Personally, I do not want to continue talking about what happened in the past or what the future may or may not hold. I want to live fully and wholeheartedly in the present. I made it a personal goal to look forward to everyday. This may sound cliché to some of you. But what is better than starting each day with a purpose? I do not want to just make a living, I want to [each day] build my life. Through trial and error, I am working each day to further my career. I make my heath and fitness a priority through persistence and consistency. As I travel, I am endlessly discovering who I am and experiencing things I never even knew existed. I spend time taking care of myself, so I can also take care of the ones I love. I spend time to strengthen the friendships I have and make new ones if I can. I think it is vital to remind the people in our lives that they are important to us and appreciated. I also feel that letting people know you’re thinking of them or giving out a compliment are small gestures that can make a big difference in someones day.

In closing, I am most definitely someone who likes to look at the “bigger picture” and really try to figure things out. However, as of lately, I’ve learned that taking each day and making it matter, overall, is slowly but surely changing my life in the most positive ways. If times are tough, focus on the small things that you can handle. When you make it a point to do small encouraging and constructive things in your everyday life, you begin to look forward to everyday and not just the weekend or the bigger moments. You will be amazed at how the smallest measures can lead to the biggest changes. All you have to do is show up. Trust me, it is worth showing up.

sᴛᴏᴘ ᴡɪsʜɪɴɢ. sᴛᴏᴘ ᴛᴀʟᴋɪɴɢ. sᴛᴀʀᴛ ᴅᴏɪɴɢ.