Tag: present

Twenty – You

2020

A new decade. 

Any day can be the day we start something fresh or close a chapter of our lives, but to me there is something invigorating and magical surrounding this time of the year. It’s a time to realign ourselves – to become even more of who and what we want to be.

Happy New Year. 

This platform is a space I created so I could be authentically and unashamedly myself. I share it with all of you because my writing is a process I use to organize the chaos in my soul and heal my spirit. If it resonates with or can help any one of you feel understood, not alone or better able to connect with someone then my purpose of sharing my thoughts is fulfilled.

That being said, I cannot muster up enough words (even for me – hard to believe, I know) to articulate the immense sense of gratitude I feel that you are taking time out of your day to read the pieces I write. If you’ve been with me since the beginning of twentysomethingchronicles or have entrusted me with your time along the way, I thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you for entering into this sacred space with me.

“Just because I carry it all so well doesn’t mean it’s not heavy.”

Over the last year, my life was uprooted in more ways than one and my heart just ached with grief and fear of the future. Let me tell you something – grief and fear are one hell of a toxic combination. The anger, confusion, emptiness and emotions attached are intense. My heart felt as if it had weakened. My confidence diminished and I found myself losing sight of who I was and what direction to go in. It brought me to a place where I needed to reevaluate who and what aligns with the life I strive to create for myself. Whether it be staying complacent in any aspect of our lives or harnessing relationships with the wrong people, the universe works overtime to make us uncomfortable when our growth is being hindered.

I feel incredibly grateful for the unwavering love, support and guidance from the people I am surrounded by in my life. The people who saw the darkness overpowering my soul+spirit and refused to jump ship. These individuals are the people you instinctively cherish the most because they are the ones who love you with the same conviction as you love them, even in the moments when you can only show up in pieces. It was also in my harder times when I was introduced to some new incredibly special people. By embracing our vulnerabilities we were able to connect openly, honestly and create bonds because we saw each other through the lens of compassion.

Throughout all of this, I learned some really important lessons. Release the people who took a piece of you, your heart or your spirit. The pain they ensued was merely a reflection of them; the pain does not define who you are or your worth. You are the ONLY ONE who defines your worth. And please, do not allow the hurt to inhibit you from opening up to new people and allowing yourself to be seen as all that you are. The people meant for you will embrace you, love you and fill your life with joy and I promise you this – it will be reciprocated.

“This is your life. And if you want to change it, the first step is realizing that you’ve had the power all along.”

No one can build your life for you and you must remember that YOU (and only you) have power over what the narrative to your story is going to sound and feel like. Please know that the healing process is not linear. Some days just being able to say to yourself, “I am exactly where I need to be and I am doing the best I can do right here, right now” is enough.

The only person you can rely on showing up day in and day out for you is yourself. Show up for yourself. This is your journey and there is no right or wrong way of traveling it. Our lives are not one-size-fits-all.

Connect with your truth – what are your core values? 

Determine them. Show up for them. Be loyal to them.

These shape your behaviors and ultimately your habits. When you are aligned with these values, they dictate your day-to-day. As they say, “you can’t just talk the talk, you must walk the walk.” And as a result, you authentically love yourself. You are proud of the life you are cultivating. And you will no longer be a prisoner of other people’s judgments or malicious actions.

“The most important relationship you are ever going to have is the one you hold with yourself.”

A loving reminder from me to you – your powers come from within.

Head up, heart strong.

Magic

You don’t have to fear the darkness

Light yourself up

a flickering flame

in the home of your own soul.

And don’t you allow your heart to crack

at the hands of others

bitter words,

cold actions,

silence.

Toughen your exterior

heighten your criteria.

Not everyone should be 

granted access to your energy.

You are as pure as they come

so fuck the masses.

Cultivate your own chaos

rather than carrying the

weight of others.

You mustn’t lose

your madness,

baby   –

you are magic.

✴

Blazing Truths

What drives you?

Your pain or your compassion?

I ask this question with strong intent to understand people on a deeper level. Our hearts and minds can be messy. It’s important to communicate openly and honestly with one another about where we’ve been, where we’re at and the direction in which we want to go. Yes, that requires vulnerability – something many of us shy away from. But vulnerability allows us to be seen and heard. It is the ability to open up our hearts to one another, provide a sense of belonging and remind each other that we are worthy even if our scars have made us feel like we are not.

Each experience gives us a voice, even if it shakes. Speak your truth and be authentically yourself.  I can guarantee you will never look back and regret standing proud in who you are. If we are willing to do that then we can intentionally make our mark on the lives of those who we connect with. Time is a fickle thing so be bold in who and how you love. Whether it is short-lived or long-winded, we must speak blazing truths and indulge in divine chemistry with one another. Stay in your magic– the world truly needs it.

Head up, heart strong.

Hope on the Horizon

“Here’s the truth about grace: It probably won’t look like you expect it to. It probably won’t even really make sense to you, because it’s glorious unmerited favor, and nothing else really works that way. There are so many things in life that say to you: “You are not worthy, and you will never be worthy unless you can prove it to me.” Grace says: “I see where you are, and I know that you have been lost out here, but there is still a way home for you. And you are free to carry on that journey, even before it makes sense to you.” – MHN

A new light is shining and I am gallantly inspired. There is something simply glorious about soul connections springing into existence. Our souls have this innate ability to recognize people and environments in which we are going to lovingly blossom. It’s the most natural synergy. Meeting some people will feel so congenial it’s as if you’ve known and been missing them forever. It’s a powerful sensation that speaks to you and says I see you, I understand you and I really really like you for all that you are.

It starts with a gentle serenity and flows into a flourishing bond where calmness washes over you as hope sets on the horizon.

The universe will offer various signs and it is up to us to decide what we are going to make of them. In my humble opinion, welcome all of it. These types of bonds will nourish your soul and have you glowing. In my own experience, it is hard to “seek out” relationships like these. They have a tendency of coming knocking at your door when you had no idea you were expecting a guest. Embrace your intuitions, embrace it all.

Hope has set on the horizon. 

Head up, heart strong. 

 

Time Doesn’t Heal All Wounds.

That very moment will stay with me forever

what I was seeing just couldn’t be the truth. 

It shook me to my core,

leaving me at war.

Standing in the open,

feeling helplessly broken.

Evidence of a harsh reality.

How do I shield my heart from the pain?

You were so fucking vain. 

Willing to hurt me to make yourself feel better

it was the ultimate betrayal. 

I didn’t deserve your indifference. 

Memories flood my brain,

I’ll never be able to look at you the same. 

Empty hopes as I keep searching for ways to cope.

There’s no closure when it comes to this kind of heartbreak. 

Love is Spoken Here

“People grow when they are loved well. If you want to help others heal, love them without an agenda.” 

Love – a word that holds so much weight. 4 letters that have a meaning for each one of you reading this. I am here, connecting to you through my love language, opening my heart to you. This is my passion I know. As you read on, my hopes are that you will feel, see or think of the various bonds of love within your own life.

Love is exceptional. I manifest love for the “soul” purpose of amplifying compassion and light in the lives of others. I know how daunting emptiness and darkness can feel. If there is one thing I’ve ever been sure of, it is that we should never leave the people we love in the dark. Everything comes and goes, love always remains. 

Love knows no time, distance or boundries. Our journeys are deeply rooted in love. Genuine connections – soulful relationships – they are unbreakable bonds of love. There are innumerable types of love and affection. I undoubtably believe that the greatest and strongest bond of love is when the people involved are essential to each others individual natures. Growing separately, together; near or far. It is a force that unites people. Love is an alliance to bring out the soul, passion, potential and human in one another. To bring out the most of everything. Love is a vow to show up and be present (physically and metaphorically).

Love requires a foundation built on:

  • values
  • trust
  • honesty
  • reliability
  • balance
  • support
  • communication
  • appreciation

Love presents itself in many forms, on many levels. Love can feel calm and chaotic. Bonds of love vary; some will thrive while others may be fleeting. We are reflections of all the people we love; past and present. Open your heart. Feel the love within you. Head up, heart strong.

Make sure you tell the people you love that you love them. Some will love you back. Others may not. Both are okay. Both are blessings. 

♡

You are loved. 

 

Architects

“The core of who you are as a person I believe is permanent, a foundation built throughout the early years of your life. The good stuff however – kindness, selflessness, drive, reason and understanding, all come later. How you choose to decorate who you are is entirely up to you. So be creative.”

-Beau Taplin // The Architect

I’m here. I’m ready. Journeying freely throughout each given day.

The art of reflection is a beautiful practice.  It is a way to remind myself where I have been and the direction in which I want to set foot in. I encourage you to reflect, too.

This time of year I find myself especially focused on reflecting. For me, it is the perfect opportunity to step back and understand the complexities and simplicities of my trials and my successes over the past year. Often times we are so caught up in whatever is in front of us that we fail to make sense of it all. We are never going to be able to get closure, answers or understanding of everything that we experience + that is alright. Some experiences are meant to be a simple encounter at that. To distinguish the difference, I ask myself, “is it going to matter a year from now?”

I lead with my heart, but I will never stop questioning. My passion and desires are rooted deeply in my pursuit for growth. I want my soul to be fierce and free while simultaneously allowing myself to explore the truth that lies within my life. To successfully do this, I focus on three things: understanding myself wholly, journeying presently and being mindful of the key people in my life at each given time.

I want my soul to dance. I will move to the rhythm of love, compassion, understanding and open + honest communication. 

Open and honest communication allows me to diminish distance between myself and others. I am able to effectively convey my thoughts and feelings to both myself and the key people in my life.  I have said it before and I will say it again, my heart thrives on open outpours of love. I love my family who strengthen my heart. I love the one who puts a smile on my face as we grow separately, together. I love my friends and my deep connections with others. I am grateful for the ability to radiate the sensations that these relationships generate in my life.

We are the architects of our lives. Let’s commit. Let’s commit to seeking and pursuing our purposes and our truths genuinely, lovingly and with good intent. The time is now.

May you become everything and more. 

Dance with Me

“Let em come, the storms, the rain. Let them blow and shake, rattle and flash. These feet will not move, I will lean into the fray and dance in the chaos. I am built for enduring all that can be thrown at me. See me here, still, and listen to the sky tremble.” // Tyler Knott

I’m dancing in the rain. This has been, to put it lightly, a whirlwind of a week, month, year. So here I am on the road again, endlessly discovering myself and my purpose. Refocused and ready to find clarify through this mayhem.

I have always said that time is merely a concept and for reasons that I cannot explain, life will turn to us at any given moment and say “time to put this chapter to rest, lets write an even better one.” So that is what we do, because at the end of the day I think it is safe to say we all know and understand that pain in never permanent.

One day, one decision, one brave moment; that is all it took. I sincerely believe that we have to take risks in order to learn hard life lessons. It isn’t always easy and I promise you that no matter how much you try, you will never be prepared for whatever the outcome is. I tried to protect and prepare myself for all possibilities: it was not enough. There are some things that we just cannot feel until we are in the moment as it is unraveling. Bittersweet and coated with anxiety. When it happened I thought the answer was to gulp the pain and avoid making others suffer. I put myself in a position that I perceived as weak. Thank-you to my friend who reminded me that taking a chance is brave and I should be proud – no matter the aftermath.

There is no growth in comfort. We grow most as a result of the painful and challenging times. This life is not a matter of win or lose – it is a matter of learning. If there is one lesson I encourage people to embrace in their own hardships, it is that you should never reject your instinct. Trust it. Look within and follow your gut – it is leading you somewhere. Be mindful of yourself. What is meant to be will be. I truly believe that some things are meant to stay while others are destined to leave. It is dangerous to count on someone else with your heart and soul. However it’s a risk we take and I’ll tell you one thing – it’s always worth it. People do not want that pressure; it scares them but we do it anyways; often times surprising ourselves with how much we are capable of. So be your own foundation and seek support from friends and family. They are your home team; they are your #1.

When you are facing times in your lives where you are hurt by circumstances you cannot control, take the chance that life is giving you to heal. When one door closes, many doors open.

So until then, dance with me in the rain.

 

Head up, heart strong.

 

Dare to Show Up

It can be so easy to get caught up in the negative aspects of our lives. Because lets face it, everyone is going through something. Likely, we are all dealing with more than one negative situation that just flat out sucks. Big or small, we all have troubles. Some people share their problems in the hope that maybe the world will help to solve them. Others keep their problems quiet; silently tucked away in their hearts and minds. I do not want to talk much about the negative today, nor is that what this post is about. I just wanted to recognize the simple fact that we are all facing our own set of difficulties. I also want to remind both myself and all of you to not get so immersed in your problems that they begin to consume you. When they consume you, you become unable to keep the situation in perspective. You are also inhibited from keeping the problem at bay; resulting in an inability to solve it.

ʟɪғᴇ ɪs ᴀ ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛɪғᴜʟ ᴛʜɪɴɢ ɪғ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴇᴛ ɪᴛ ʙᴇ

Let the good consume you. Be filled with what excites your soul. Surround yourself with good company. Learn something new everyday. Teach something new everyday. We’re all here for the journey.

Stop talking about the past all the time, more-so, stop trying to alter it. Personally, I do not want to continue talking about what happened in the past or what the future may or may not hold. I want to live fully and wholeheartedly in the present. I made it a personal goal to look forward to everyday. This may sound cliché to some of you. But what is better than starting each day with a purpose? I do not want to just make a living, I want to [each day] build my life. Through trial and error, I am working each day to further my career. I make my heath and fitness a priority through persistence and consistency. As I travel, I am endlessly discovering who I am and experiencing things I never even knew existed. I spend time taking care of myself, so I can also take care of the ones I love. I spend time to strengthen the friendships I have and make new ones if I can. I think it is vital to remind the people in our lives that they are important to us and appreciated. I also feel that letting people know you’re thinking of them or giving out a compliment are small gestures that can make a big difference in someones day.

In closing, I am most definitely someone who likes to look at the “bigger picture” and really try to figure things out. However, as of lately, I’ve learned that taking each day and making it matter, overall, is slowly but surely changing my life in the most positive ways. If times are tough, focus on the small things that you can handle. When you make it a point to do small encouraging and constructive things in your everyday life, you begin to look forward to everyday and not just the weekend or the bigger moments. You will be amazed at how the smallest measures can lead to the biggest changes. All you have to do is show up. Trust me, it is worth showing up.

sᴛᴏᴘ ᴡɪsʜɪɴɢ. sᴛᴏᴘ ᴛᴀʟᴋɪɴɢ. sᴛᴀʀᴛ ᴅᴏɪɴɢ.

Unedited.

We are always learning something new about ourselves. Sometimes the days pass us by and we don’t even realize that we’re understanding new aspects of who we are. Then there are the rare but truly remarkable moments – an instant that washes over us and suddenly we feel as if we have a little more clarity on who we are. I love those moments. I embrace them.

I write quite often about being “lost.” If you have read my previous posts, then you know that I do not associate the feeling of being lost with negativity. Frankly, I think it is a rather useful feeling as we are each going about our own journeys. As I get older and the road gets windier, instead of seeking answers, I find myself asking more questions. The questions are endless and the roads that lead to the answers are nothing short of complex. 

I am a creature of habit. I have always loved routine. I like plans and stability. But, my soul disagrees. In my young adulthood, I am learning day-in and day-out that familiar is beginning to scare me. I am finding a real sense of discomfort and unhappiness in the familiar aspects of my life. My days have begun to feel filled with familiar faces; but ones that lack consistency, loyalty, honesty and sincerity. These are merely just words on a screen but within them lies significant power and meaning. The familiar faces I am surrounded by are starting to be associated with heartbreak, distrust and ingenuity. I do not mean that these people are all specifically treating me with a lack of these virtues but they lack them in the way they treat themselves and others throughout their daily lives. It is terrible and heartbreaking.

This matter leads me to my next point. I do not know who I am in entirety but I have a great sense of independence and will to find out. I soothe my soul through writing and I feed my soul through love and exploration.

“My heart wants roots and my mind wants wings”

Aforementioned, I recently had my own moment of clarity. It was a brief moment, but one thats wake is still washing over me. My moment was well balanced as I was in an unknown city accompanied by a most familiar face. My best friend. An extraordinary human. One who speaks and lives out the virtues of consistency, loyalty, honesty and sincerity. She inspires me.

I am passionate and most inspired by ideas, attitudes and experiences. The unfamiliar excites me and traveling entices me. Traveling holds promises of worldly experience and the opportunity to continually grow and learn about myself and the wonderful things this world has to offer. I do not travel to escape, I travel to capture the very moments that I am in. I travel because when I am in an unfamiliar place or circumstance, I am the most of who I want to be.

I hope that one day I can meet someone and together we can make the most of our moments – big and small. We can travel and ask questions together. But just as I am not seeking answers, I am not going to seek for the right company. Throughout my individual journey and experiences, I am sure that I will stumble upon all the humans that are meant to be in my life, and stay. I smile at the very thought of that day.

In closing, I do not have any answers, wise advice or main point to share with you all today. Everything I just shared with you was raw and unedited. I do not have any of the answers, but I do intend to continue asking questions. So for now, I leave you all with this:

If you’re feeling lost, that is okay. If you do not have the answers, that is okay. Hold onto the moments and the people that make you feel alive. Be present with them.

“The gift of presence is a rare and beautiful gift. To come – unguarded, undistracted – and be fully present, fully engaged with whoever we are with at the moment.”