Tag: moments

Twenty – You

2020

A new decade. 

Any day can be the day we start something fresh or close a chapter of our lives, but to me there is something invigorating and magical surrounding this time of the year. It’s a time to realign ourselves – to become even more of who and what we want to be.

Happy New Year. 

This platform is a space I created so I could be authentically and unashamedly myself. I share it with all of you because my writing is a process I use to organize the chaos in my soul and heal my spirit. If it resonates with or can help any one of you feel understood, not alone or better able to connect with someone then my purpose of sharing my thoughts is fulfilled.

That being said, I cannot muster up enough words (even for me – hard to believe, I know) to articulate the immense sense of gratitude I feel that you are taking time out of your day to read the pieces I write. If you’ve been with me since the beginning of twentysomethingchronicles or have entrusted me with your time along the way, I thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you for entering into this sacred space with me.

“Just because I carry it all so well doesn’t mean it’s not heavy.”

Over the last year, my life was uprooted in more ways than one and my heart just ached with grief and fear of the future. Let me tell you something – grief and fear are one hell of a toxic combination. The anger, confusion, emptiness and emotions attached are intense. My heart felt as if it had weakened. My confidence diminished and I found myself losing sight of who I was and what direction to go in. It brought me to a place where I needed to reevaluate who and what aligns with the life I strive to create for myself. Whether it be staying complacent in any aspect of our lives or harnessing relationships with the wrong people, the universe works overtime to make us uncomfortable when our growth is being hindered.

I feel incredibly grateful for the unwavering love, support and guidance from the people I am surrounded by in my life. The people who saw the darkness overpowering my soul+spirit and refused to jump ship. These individuals are the people you instinctively cherish the most because they are the ones who love you with the same conviction as you love them, even in the moments when you can only show up in pieces. It was also in my harder times when I was introduced to some new incredibly special people. By embracing our vulnerabilities we were able to connect openly, honestly and create bonds because we saw each other through the lens of compassion.

Throughout all of this, I learned some really important lessons. Release the people who took a piece of you, your heart or your spirit. The pain they ensued was merely a reflection of them; the pain does not define who you are or your worth. You are the ONLY ONE who defines your worth. And please, do not allow the hurt to inhibit you from opening up to new people and allowing yourself to be seen as all that you are. The people meant for you will embrace you, love you and fill your life with joy and I promise you this – it will be reciprocated.

“This is your life. And if you want to change it, the first step is realizing that you’ve had the power all along.”

No one can build your life for you and you must remember that YOU (and only you) have power over what the narrative to your story is going to sound and feel like. Please know that the healing process is not linear. Some days just being able to say to yourself, “I am exactly where I need to be and I am doing the best I can do right here, right now” is enough.

The only person you can rely on showing up day in and day out for you is yourself. Show up for yourself. This is your journey and there is no right or wrong way of traveling it. Our lives are not one-size-fits-all.

Connect with your truth – what are your core values? 

Determine them. Show up for them. Be loyal to them.

These shape your behaviors and ultimately your habits. When you are aligned with these values, they dictate your day-to-day. As they say, “you can’t just talk the talk, you must walk the walk.” And as a result, you authentically love yourself. You are proud of the life you are cultivating. And you will no longer be a prisoner of other people’s judgments or malicious actions.

“The most important relationship you are ever going to have is the one you hold with yourself.”

A loving reminder from me to you – your powers come from within.

Head up, heart strong.

Magic

You don’t have to fear the darkness

Light yourself up

a flickering flame

in the home of your own soul.

And don’t you allow your heart to crack

at the hands of others

bitter words,

cold actions,

silence.

Toughen your exterior

heighten your criteria.

Not everyone should be 

granted access to your energy.

You are as pure as they come

so fuck the masses.

Cultivate your own chaos

rather than carrying the

weight of others.

You mustn’t lose

your madness,

baby   –

you are magic.

✴

Blazing Truths

What drives you?

Your pain or your compassion?

I ask this question with strong intent to understand people on a deeper level. Our hearts and minds can be messy. It’s important to communicate openly and honestly with one another about where we’ve been, where we’re at and the direction in which we want to go. Yes, that requires vulnerability – something many of us shy away from. But vulnerability allows us to be seen and heard. It is the ability to open up our hearts to one another, provide a sense of belonging and remind each other that we are worthy even if our scars have made us feel like we are not.

Each experience gives us a voice, even if it shakes. Speak your truth and be authentically yourself.  I can guarantee you will never look back and regret standing proud in who you are. If we are willing to do that then we can intentionally make our mark on the lives of those who we connect with. Time is a fickle thing so be bold in who and how you love. Whether it is short-lived or long-winded, we must speak blazing truths and indulge in divine chemistry with one another. Stay in your magic– the world truly needs it.

Head up, heart strong.

Returning

A close friend of mine once told me that when I don’t know which way to go, be still. Furthermore, allow myself the time that I need to tune into my thoughts, intuitions and physical being.

I feel this immense sense of constantly having to move forward, take the next step, progress. It’s all so typically laid out for us; what we should be doing and have accomplished by certain ages and stages of our lives. There is a “fundamental path” in which we should follow in order to feel and be viewed as successful and fulfilled.

Truth bomb: I’ve taken ten steps forward and doubled back more times than I can count over the last five years. Always helplessly worried about how people are going to perceive me. Well, 2019 and almost-27-year-old Anna says screw it  –  we’re only human.

Everyone’s journey is different; no two exactly alike. I sometimes struggle to find the meaning in and of it all. Things in our lives can change so fast, it’s hard to catch up all the while trying to take a moment to breathe it in, and then out.

In the midst of the chaos, I forgot to embrace who I am at the root of my being.

I am Anna Toline:

wild spirit

vibrant mind

fiery heart burning with passion

warrior

I am not for everyone. That is something I can wholeheartedly accept. But, I will be damned if I settle to surround myself with people who demand that I am “too much” of anything. No one should feel as if they have to hide parts of themselves from the world.

Some people will eventually give you away. Be gentle on yourself  –  bless and release.

Be you. Be rare.

and please . . .

journey freely in your truth.

Writing is my thing. Words are my love language and my outlet to freely express. They are my security and they are my escape. Thank you for taking the time and open mind to welcome me back into this space that I have neglected for far too long. I am returning home to myself.

♡

Head up, heart strong.

Love is Spoken Here

“People grow when they are loved well. If you want to help others heal, love them without an agenda.” 

Love – a word that holds so much weight. 4 letters that have a meaning for each one of you reading this. I am here, connecting to you through my love language, opening my heart to you. This is my passion I know. As you read on, my hopes are that you will feel, see or think of the various bonds of love within your own life.

Love is exceptional. I manifest love for the “soul” purpose of amplifying compassion and light in the lives of others. I know how daunting emptiness and darkness can feel. If there is one thing I’ve ever been sure of, it is that we should never leave the people we love in the dark. Everything comes and goes, love always remains. 

Love knows no time, distance or boundries. Our journeys are deeply rooted in love. Genuine connections – soulful relationships – they are unbreakable bonds of love. There are innumerable types of love and affection. I undoubtably believe that the greatest and strongest bond of love is when the people involved are essential to each others individual natures. Growing separately, together; near or far. It is a force that unites people. Love is an alliance to bring out the soul, passion, potential and human in one another. To bring out the most of everything. Love is a vow to show up and be present (physically and metaphorically).

Love requires a foundation built on:

  • values
  • trust
  • honesty
  • reliability
  • balance
  • support
  • communication
  • appreciation

Love presents itself in many forms, on many levels. Love can feel calm and chaotic. Bonds of love vary; some will thrive while others may be fleeting. We are reflections of all the people we love; past and present. Open your heart. Feel the love within you. Head up, heart strong.

Make sure you tell the people you love that you love them. Some will love you back. Others may not. Both are okay. Both are blessings. 

♡

You are loved. 

 

Architects

“The core of who you are as a person I believe is permanent, a foundation built throughout the early years of your life. The good stuff however – kindness, selflessness, drive, reason and understanding, all come later. How you choose to decorate who you are is entirely up to you. So be creative.”

-Beau Taplin // The Architect

I’m here. I’m ready. Journeying freely throughout each given day.

The art of reflection is a beautiful practice.  It is a way to remind myself where I have been and the direction in which I want to set foot in. I encourage you to reflect, too.

This time of year I find myself especially focused on reflecting. For me, it is the perfect opportunity to step back and understand the complexities and simplicities of my trials and my successes over the past year. Often times we are so caught up in whatever is in front of us that we fail to make sense of it all. We are never going to be able to get closure, answers or understanding of everything that we experience + that is alright. Some experiences are meant to be a simple encounter at that. To distinguish the difference, I ask myself, “is it going to matter a year from now?”

I lead with my heart, but I will never stop questioning. My passion and desires are rooted deeply in my pursuit for growth. I want my soul to be fierce and free while simultaneously allowing myself to explore the truth that lies within my life. To successfully do this, I focus on three things: understanding myself wholly, journeying presently and being mindful of the key people in my life at each given time.

I want my soul to dance. I will move to the rhythm of love, compassion, understanding and open + honest communication. 

Open and honest communication allows me to diminish distance between myself and others. I am able to effectively convey my thoughts and feelings to both myself and the key people in my life.  I have said it before and I will say it again, my heart thrives on open outpours of love. I love my family who strengthen my heart. I love the one who puts a smile on my face as we grow separately, together. I love my friends and my deep connections with others. I am grateful for the ability to radiate the sensations that these relationships generate in my life.

We are the architects of our lives. Let’s commit. Let’s commit to seeking and pursuing our purposes and our truths genuinely, lovingly and with good intent. The time is now.

May you become everything and more. 

Drifted

Vulnerable, sensitive, rare

engulfed by all the one’s we’ve loved

connected to everything

always reminded of something

 

With compassion comes pain

isn’t it ironic?

we must carry the heaviness of our lives

or it will smother us

 

I’m no good at feeling, they say

the pain will go away

please stay

i should change my ways

 

Talk a lot but never really say anything

no action turning to silence

like sunset shadows and broken skies

we drift away into a new day

143.

Dance with Me

“Let em come, the storms, the rain. Let them blow and shake, rattle and flash. These feet will not move, I will lean into the fray and dance in the chaos. I am built for enduring all that can be thrown at me. See me here, still, and listen to the sky tremble.” // Tyler Knott

I’m dancing in the rain. This has been, to put it lightly, a whirlwind of a week, month, year. So here I am on the road again, endlessly discovering myself and my purpose. Refocused and ready to find clarify through this mayhem.

I have always said that time is merely a concept and for reasons that I cannot explain, life will turn to us at any given moment and say “time to put this chapter to rest, lets write an even better one.” So that is what we do, because at the end of the day I think it is safe to say we all know and understand that pain in never permanent.

One day, one decision, one brave moment; that is all it took. I sincerely believe that we have to take risks in order to learn hard life lessons. It isn’t always easy and I promise you that no matter how much you try, you will never be prepared for whatever the outcome is. I tried to protect and prepare myself for all possibilities: it was not enough. There are some things that we just cannot feel until we are in the moment as it is unraveling. Bittersweet and coated with anxiety. When it happened I thought the answer was to gulp the pain and avoid making others suffer. I put myself in a position that I perceived as weak. Thank-you to my friend who reminded me that taking a chance is brave and I should be proud – no matter the aftermath.

There is no growth in comfort. We grow most as a result of the painful and challenging times. This life is not a matter of win or lose – it is a matter of learning. If there is one lesson I encourage people to embrace in their own hardships, it is that you should never reject your instinct. Trust it. Look within and follow your gut – it is leading you somewhere. Be mindful of yourself. What is meant to be will be. I truly believe that some things are meant to stay while others are destined to leave. It is dangerous to count on someone else with your heart and soul. However it’s a risk we take and I’ll tell you one thing – it’s always worth it. People do not want that pressure; it scares them but we do it anyways; often times surprising ourselves with how much we are capable of. So be your own foundation and seek support from friends and family. They are your home team; they are your #1.

When you are facing times in your lives where you are hurt by circumstances you cannot control, take the chance that life is giving you to heal. When one door closes, many doors open.

So until then, dance with me in the rain.

 

Head up, heart strong.

 

10 Ways to be Mindful & Present

Time is the most precious thing you are offered in this life. You are constantly moving from one moment to the next. Stand still for a second; appreciating how much bigger this world is than just your day-to-day routine. Begin to practice the art of being aware and mindful of yourself, loved ones and others. This is my advice to you on how to be more mindful and present.

1. Stay true to your word. Follow through with your actions.

2. Be vulnerable and forgiving. Seek closure if you need to.

3. Understand that you are going to need to build walls between you and certain people. Some are never going to be willing to climb that high. Wish them well and send them on their way. For those who do climb, express your appreciation.

4. In life you are going to come across people who you are instantly connected with on a deeper, soulful level. Those people are going to change your life. Embrace, explore and cherish those relationships.

5. Keep every situation in perspective. Take a moment to yourself if you need to.

6. Apologize when you do something wrong – intentional or not. Own up to your mistakes.

7. Be honest with people – especially those you love and are loved by. One day they will thank you for telling them the hard truth. No one will ever thank you for being a liar.

8. There is always more than meets the naked eye. Everyone is fighting their own battles that you know nothing about.

9. Anger is a burden too heavy to bear. Redirect your energies. Send light to the person who you are hurt by.

10. You are never going to have all of the answers. That’s cool though. Smile at the chaos and laugh at the confusion.

Head up, heart strong.

Almost.

I think in life there are just some things that we are never going to make sense of. There are questions that will never have answers; opportunities that will lie dormant and passed by. Endless scenarios will manifest in our minds, but that’s what they will be – mere scenarios. Because at the end of the day our reality is just what it is, or almost was. We got a taste of something good, we skimmed the surface, we almost figured it out, but not quite.

“Almost” – it’s one of the saddest words in the English language. Something or someone being close enough but not quite all there. Something with infinite possibility but it fell short.

“Almost” – it’s such a peculiar word. Very nearly but not quite. It is a word shadowed with a feeling of hopelessness and a bit of emptiness. Very often it is something or someone close to our hearts. An opportunity missed.

I guess the almost moments in our lives happen because not everything is meant to work out the way we’d hoped. Maybe, just maybe, our almosts lead us to be better. We have to learn hard lessons and use them to succeed the next time around.

Our almost moments are great times for reflection. It is in times like this to get in touch with our souls. Our souls need to be cared for because without a healthy soul we cannot love or live to our fullest potentials. In your almost moments, take the time to rid the burdens that are disturbing your soul. Those burdens are the reasons why something wonderful remains an “almost something wonderful.” Do not be the reason that you are not genuinely happy. Stop allowing fear to turn your absolutes into almosts.

I love my almost moments. In such beautiful chaos, I can step back and see the purpose in all of it. Our almost moments become a part of us. They are our stories to tell. They are our defining moments. That alone, makes our almost moments some of the most special.

“He was almost in love. She was almost good for him. He almost stopped her. She almost waited. They almost made it.”