Tag: attitude

Twenty – You

2020

A new decade. 

Any day can be the day we start something fresh or close a chapter of our lives, but to me there is something invigorating and magical surrounding this time of the year. It’s a time to realign ourselves – to become even more of who and what we want to be.

Happy New Year. 

This platform is a space I created so I could be authentically and unashamedly myself. I share it with all of you because my writing is a process I use to organize the chaos in my soul and heal my spirit. If it resonates with or can help any one of you feel understood, not alone or better able to connect with someone then my purpose of sharing my thoughts is fulfilled.

That being said, I cannot muster up enough words (even for me – hard to believe, I know) to articulate the immense sense of gratitude I feel that you are taking time out of your day to read the pieces I write. If you’ve been with me since the beginning of twentysomethingchronicles or have entrusted me with your time along the way, I thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you for entering into this sacred space with me.

“Just because I carry it all so well doesn’t mean it’s not heavy.”

Over the last year, my life was uprooted in more ways than one and my heart just ached with grief and fear of the future. Let me tell you something – grief and fear are one hell of a toxic combination. The anger, confusion, emptiness and emotions attached are intense. My heart felt as if it had weakened. My confidence diminished and I found myself losing sight of who I was and what direction to go in. It brought me to a place where I needed to reevaluate who and what aligns with the life I strive to create for myself. Whether it be staying complacent in any aspect of our lives or harnessing relationships with the wrong people, the universe works overtime to make us uncomfortable when our growth is being hindered.

I feel incredibly grateful for the unwavering love, support and guidance from the people I am surrounded by in my life. The people who saw the darkness overpowering my soul+spirit and refused to jump ship. These individuals are the people you instinctively cherish the most because they are the ones who love you with the same conviction as you love them, even in the moments when you can only show up in pieces. It was also in my harder times when I was introduced to some new incredibly special people. By embracing our vulnerabilities we were able to connect openly, honestly and create bonds because we saw each other through the lens of compassion.

Throughout all of this, I learned some really important lessons. Release the people who took a piece of you, your heart or your spirit. The pain they ensued was merely a reflection of them; the pain does not define who you are or your worth. You are the ONLY ONE who defines your worth. And please, do not allow the hurt to inhibit you from opening up to new people and allowing yourself to be seen as all that you are. The people meant for you will embrace you, love you and fill your life with joy and I promise you this – it will be reciprocated.

“This is your life. And if you want to change it, the first step is realizing that you’ve had the power all along.”

No one can build your life for you and you must remember that YOU (and only you) have power over what the narrative to your story is going to sound and feel like. Please know that the healing process is not linear. Some days just being able to say to yourself, “I am exactly where I need to be and I am doing the best I can do right here, right now” is enough.

The only person you can rely on showing up day in and day out for you is yourself. Show up for yourself. This is your journey and there is no right or wrong way of traveling it. Our lives are not one-size-fits-all.

Connect with your truth – what are your core values? 

Determine them. Show up for them. Be loyal to them.

These shape your behaviors and ultimately your habits. When you are aligned with these values, they dictate your day-to-day. As they say, “you can’t just talk the talk, you must walk the walk.” And as a result, you authentically love yourself. You are proud of the life you are cultivating. And you will no longer be a prisoner of other people’s judgments or malicious actions.

“The most important relationship you are ever going to have is the one you hold with yourself.”

A loving reminder from me to you – your powers come from within.

Head up, heart strong.

Magic

You don’t have to fear the darkness

Light yourself up

a flickering flame

in the home of your own soul.

And don’t you allow your heart to crack

at the hands of others

bitter words,

cold actions,

silence.

Toughen your exterior

heighten your criteria.

Not everyone should be 

granted access to your energy.

You are as pure as they come

so fuck the masses.

Cultivate your own chaos

rather than carrying the

weight of others.

You mustn’t lose

your madness,

baby   –

you are magic.

✴

Balance

The brain is vast and powerful. Our minds are limitless and enable consciousness, perception, thinking, judgement, and memory.

Our minds have immense control. Our thoughts have power over our attitudes and actions. Positive thoughts lead to encouraging attitudes which result in beneficial actions. I am learning that as I change my mindset my life will progress in the way I want it to. I am not a negative person, I am however a sensitive one. I feel everything. The good and the bad. I carry my emotions and the emotions of the ones I love and care for. I wouldn’t change it for the world but someone very wise once told me that I need to be a swinging door rather than a sponge. I need to allow myself to feel the emotions as I must and then let them go. I am still working on it.

Multiple times in my life I have found myself lost and slightly off track. At these times my head, heart and actions have not aligned.  I have always held myself up to high standards and put myself under pressure to reach and even succeed in aspects of my life. But in order to achieve that, I must find balance. In the chaos of everyday life, it is easy to hone in on a few aspects of our lives and neglect the other facets that need care – including our own physical and psychological responsibilities. The process of creating and maintaining a balanced life may not be an easy task for all but it is important and achievable. I say this because I have done it before and I will do it again.

Personally, finding balance all starts with my mind.  I am a thinker. An analyzer. I like to observe, perceive, and reflect. I can be simple yet complicated. I am calm yet chaotic. I find myself focused and completely scatterbrained at the same time. Paulo Coelho once said, “life has many ways of testing a person’s will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen all at once.” Over the last few months, life has tested me. Life has thrown many obstacles and teachable moments my way. I did not fail but I did in fact lose balance. My heart was hurting, my head knew that I was losing balance but my actions weren’t changing in a positive way. Chaos can do that to a person. Grief especially can do that to someone.

I share this with you because losing balance can hurt our own souls but also the ones that we love. I encourage you to find balance in the chaos of what is your life. Spend time with your parents and family, make memories with friends, work hard at a career. Adventure. Travel. Expand your horizons by opening your minds. Learn new things about yourself and others. Be vast and brilliant as you all are.