Resilience

The past is never far. We carry it with us. Sometimes it becomes a part of who we are. Other times it is a distant memory. Every experience in our lives contributes to shaping the truest form of ourselves as we exist in the present and who we become in the future. Through pain and happiness, trial and triumph, we learn something new about ourselves and what it is that makes us the most of who we are and all we want to be.

Throughout my life one of the greatest strengths I have developed is the ability to be resilient. I have learned and built skills to endure both the past and impending adversity in my life. I made the decision years ago that I would take the toughest experiences in my life and transform them into learning the greatest lessons about myself. My decision to do so has liberated me in a way that most do not understand is possible when bad things happen. Being sad, resentful or angry for more than a short period of time never did work for me. I always allow myself to take the time I need to deal with the situation at hand whether it be an argument, heartbreak, death or so on. All the meanwhile continuing to move forward both physically and psychologically. I was in a dark place once – it was lonely and cold. Being angry at the world or another individual only hurts oneself. Be patient when you find yourself suffering. You can learn some wonderful traits about yourself all while building character as you see fit. Take what life throws at you and be afflicted with great fortitude.

Souls

I turn twenty-three tomorrow. So as I do every year, I have reflected on my past and the impact it has made on my present. I like to take a glimpse at my experiences and decide where it will lead me during the year ahead. With a heavy heart and optimistic soul – I want to share with you all a lesson I have been learning over the course of my twenty-three years and a lesson I am still working on understanding entirely myself. Here goes nothing.

I have experienced a lot of heartbreak, especially recently. I have a big heart and I wear it on my sleeve. I am honest and loyal to the end. It is one of my greatest strengths. Unfortunately though, I often think that everyone else is like that too. Which is by no means a bad thing, however, it’s false. It is a risk to love. It can be fleeting, long-lasting or somewhere in between. Sometimes it doesn’t exist even when we think it does. That is when the head versus heart battle comes into play. More often than not, my heart says one thing while the logic in my mind tells me otherwise. My heart always wins. But my mind is always right. Everything in our lives can be a lesson if we let it. This year, my lesson came from heartbreak and it taught me about my soul.

Let me explain.

First, once I love someone, I always love them. “One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.” So as you read, you will notice I do not use the word “loved” because if you truly love someone, they remain in your heart – always. Second, I am not solely speaking of the romantic type of love. My heartache stems from both friendships and romantic involvement.

So what did these heartaches have in common? Well, they both hurt like hell. My heart aches and my eyes water thinking about it. I do not mean it in the dramatic way either. These are the type of heartaches that you carry with you for a lifetime. These type of individuals leave marks on your life and they take away a piece of your heart when they hurt you.

Someone once said, “when one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” Now, I said that I learned a very important lesson about my soul. I learned that we humans have this incredible innate ability to recognize each other by vibes. If we meet someone and the vibes are positive than we have recognized that a part of our soul aligns with the others. Now I do not mean the type of positive vibes that people use in the context of fleeting happiness or upbeat moods. I mean the type of vibe that makes you feel connected to someone instantly.

I always say that time is just a concept and I firmly believe it. I have learned and been able to welcome new people into my life with whom my soul aligns. They are the type of honest, compassionate, loyal people who connect with me on a level deeper than the surface. These type of people come into your life and you hurt when the other does and you are full of joy when they are. It is a connection so strong that is makes any heartache you have been through feel worth it. How wonderful is it to know that from something so sad can lead to a feeling so incredible.

I encourage you all to follow your vibes. Connect with people through your souls. Trust me, you will know. It is a feeling you recognize immediately. I am lucky to have a few people in my life – old and new – whose souls have found mine.

As for the ones we love, but our souls do not align – be at peace with them, remind them you love them, and send them on their way. They too deserve to find whom their souls align with.

“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” -Thomas Merton

A Tribute

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gord

On Thursday, May 21, 2015 the world lost a great man. A man who was very dear to me. My heart is heavy. I am weighed down by this loss that feels so immense. I am not only grieving for myself, but for my family. My heart aches. I feel as though a dark cloud casts over me. The rain has already come and gone, but I am left in the wake of the storm.

As I take each day as it comes, I am trying to figure out how I can make the best out of this time in my life. I am trying to find ways to take an experience like this and put a positive spin on it. Then it hit me, I need to do what my Uncle did for others. On Wednesday, May 29, 2015 I stood in front of friends and family, in the celebration of my uncles life and delivered a message that I would like to share with all of you.

A famous writer once said, “too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”

These small, sincere acts came very naturally to my uncle Gordy. He was a man who understood and valued the significance of “the little things.” He was a compassionate man with a big heart. He had this incredible ability to make anyone feel important, cared for, and appreciated because he always took a genuine interest in others. I so admire him for that.

The greatest gift you can give someone is your time. Gordy always made time. Being around him was always enjoyable. Whether it was sitting and chatting over a cup of coffee, or looking out over Lake Winnipesaukee and sharing deeper conversation. Whatever it was, Gordy was sincerely interested. He was always in the now; focused on you and the conversation that was taking place.

Uncle Gordys ability to connect with and touch the lives of others only heightened when he was diagnosed with cancer just over five years ago. He received an outpouring of support as people rallied around him because they were drawn to his kind, loving and gentle nature. Uncle Gordy, you most certainly did not fight alone.

Thank you for teaching and constantly reminding us the significance of a kind word, a listening ear, and the smallest act of caring. We love you.

So I leave you all with this – do not underestimate “the little things.” 110% of the time they mean the most. Be kind, be loving and be generous with your time and hearts. It doesn’t cost a thing.

May you rest in the sweetest peace, Uncle Gordy. I love you.

When I Falter, You Raise Me Up

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Thursday, May 7, 2015, 7:22PM

It is an absolutely beautiful evening here. I went for a walk around the park and then sat and did my studying. I just looked up and it feels as if Grammy and Bumpa are shinning down on me. They are sending me strength and hope. I can just feel it. I’m passing on that strength and hope to you. We have all come such a long way in Uncle Gords battle with cancer and he would not have been able to fair without you by his side. You are an inspiration. I hope you realize that your generosity, love, support and kindness is a blessing to all of us in your life. There are not enough words to describe how incredible of a mother, wife, sister and friend you are. Don’t lose hope or faith. Time is only a concept. I love you, ttmab.

Expression

I strive to be a woman of eloquence. A woman full of soul and of meaning. Through my writing, I achieve a sense of such eloquence. I write to hold on. I write to let go. I write because I am a firm believer that we do not have to go through things alone – the good and the bad. We have the ability to connect with each other by sharing and expressing how we feel about our experiences. It is liberating to be able to convey emotions through the arts. Writing, singing, dancing, drawing, painting & photographing. All of these talents allow us to expose ourselves with ease. My ability to express myself through words helps make sense of my views on this world. I do not write to speak. I write to inspire. I write with the desire to brighten the day of someone reading my post. I want the words that people read to be simple yet powerful. I want people to feel something when they read what I compose.

Our lives are like a puzzle, and everyday we are adding new pieces to complete what our life will be made up of. That moves me. I find comfort in the fact that we have passion and purpose.

Edward Lewis said,

“We define ourselves by the best that is in us, not the worst that has been done to us.”

This blog, my posts & these words that you read are me. My writing is how I define myself. I am sharing with all of you, what I feel is the best in me.

Ordinary Happiness.

I believe that the most delightful moments are the small, nameless ones.

Sharing a warm smile
When someone you love wraps their arms around you from behind
Admiring a sunset or sunrise
Hearing a laugh
Locking eyes with someone
Basking in the warm sun

The list goes on and on…

These are truly the moments our lives should be about. The moments that make us feel something. The small ones that make up our everyday lives, but are often overlooked. These moments hold such significance – at least to me. I have always been an admirer of “the little things.” Call me an old soul, but I find beauty and happiness in the most ordinary, simple times that life has to offer. Have you ever hugged someone, and they squeezed you just a little bit tighter or held you for just a moment longer? Have you found yourself smiling simply because someone or something came to mind? Do you feel at peace when you look at something breathtakingly beautiful – a sunset, a mountain, a smiling child, someone you love, a stranger?

In the chaos of our everyday lives, it is important to remember these moments. To appreciate how the ordinary can be extraordinary. I share these thoughts with you all today because I have recently taken some time to appreciate these moments. More often than not, we do not take the time to appreciate what makes us happy until a tragedy, a loss or a pain has struck – leaving us in a wake of longing to take moments of happiness back. When we lose someone – the first thing we do is ponder those small, nameless moments we shared with them. We pull out pictures and old writings. Those ordinary times are suddenly cherished; treasures of memory that we hold close to us for comfort.

I encourage you to be aware of the nameless moments that fill your everyday lives. Adore them. I trust that we can all value the significance of our nameless, happy moments. I can only wish that you are benefiting from these moments before they are gone. But just remember, the small nameless moments make up our everyday lives. So if one moment is gone, another one will come.

Muse – a source of artistic inspiration

Every writer needs their muse. I am most certainly inspired by many people and on goings in my life, but I definitely have found my muse. He inspires me to love, think and write deeply. He reminds me that being genuine and compassionate is not a weakness, but my greatest strength. The ironic part – he has no idea. But if he ever reads this – thank you.

“Everything Will Fall Into Place” – Those words sound comforting, don’t they? Even more so when they come from someone you love, especially when you are feeling low. If there is one thing I’ve learned over my (almost) twenty-three years of living, it is that life is messy. Days come and days go. Everything is changing while it all feels the same. How does time pass us by so quickly? We look back and cannot quite place when and where the changes began. But I think that is the point. To constantly be growing, learning and finding ourselves through the chaos of our own lives, and maybe even the lives of the people we surround ourselves with.

When i say “chaos” or “messy” – the connotation is to be interpreted by the reader. Our “chaos” or “messes” can signify sadness, heartbreak and difficult times. They can also signify beautiful, soulful, happy moments we have experienced throughout our lives. I hope that everyone who reads this has experienced both. Because I in particular feel that some of the most beautiful things come from our most painful hardships. It is how we as individuals learn and strive to be more. If everything were easy and perfect, what would motivate us to be better and exert ourselves to fill our souls with what makes us happy and whole?

Our existence is not black and white. It is an array of arresting colors and shades.

Life is always going to be messy. I can only hope that we all find what it is that will give us piece of mind. I hope that we fill our souls with what is truly meaningful to us.

All my love.

Transitions.

“Transitions in life are usually marked by major events. Birthdays, graduations, weddings. But the greater transitions often come out of smaller moments. When we stop and look at where we are. Because each time we see how far we’ve come, we also see how far we still have to go. In order to fully transform, we might need to free ourselves of everything we’ve been holding on to. To send us on our new path. The right one. But if, at the end, you find the person you’ve become is not the person you want to be, you can always turn around and try again. And maybe the next time, you won’t be so alone when it’s over.”

I absolutely love this piece of work. It is written with such beauty and elegance. It is another example of how powerful words can be when pieced together properly and written down for all to digest . Writing is a powerful pastime. Personally, I find writing to be liberating. It allows me to take all the emotions, on goings and chaos in my life and turn them into something winsome, meaningful and peaceful. It helps me to make sense of my world. I can only hope that it helps you make sense of yours, too.

I am currently going through multiple transitions in my life, as are most people. After all, life does appear to be a series of changes. Aforementioned, transitions often hail from the smaller moments in our lives. Step back and take a look at where you are, who you surround yourself with and what you are doing. Compare it to where you want to be, who you want to be surrounded by and what you want to be doing. Are they the same? If they are than I suppose you aren’t going through much transition, nor do you want to. Congratulations, you have it all figured out. However, I think it is safe to say that most of us are still searching and constantly changing. Some of us are longing for love, others want money and success, maybe you are someone who wants to travel and become cultured. Whatever it is. Whatever you are searching for – you are the only person who can free yourself from the bad, hold on to the great and create a new or extended path. We are the architects of our lives. We have the power to find what it is that we want, where we want it, with whom we want to share it. Take these small moments, reflect on them. Adjust accordingly.

As I transition through my life, my mindset is always broadening. I am learning acceptance, peace and self-happiness. I am becoming less of who I was, and more of who I want to be. I can only hope that you all do the same for yourselves. We only get one shot at this life – aspire to be the person you want to be and achieve the life you so desire.

All my love.

Get Lost. Find Yourself.

I have lost myself in the things and people I loved, I have found myself in these things too. I get lost for a little while, then I find that I learn something new about myself. It is an interesting concept. I do not always think that “getting lost” is a bad thing either. Sometimes getting lost can be fun and memorable. It can help one grow.

Have you ever been on a road trip and you take a wrong turn? End up getting lost for hours when that wasn’t the plan? Did you create new memories? Yell at and laugh with the person accompanying you on the ride to your destination? I bet if you have, they are fond memories. One time, when I was in high school, I got stuck with my two older brothers and sister-in-law on our trip home from New Hampshire. Now, if you know anything about myself and my family, my two brothers and I being stuck in a car together for any extended period of time could be described as “disastrous.” But I have to admit, it is one of my fondest memories to date. We laughed, bonded, yelled, might have cussed a bit. We were lost (literally and figuratively), but we all found out a little bit more about ourselves that day. We even found out a little bit more about each other.

Our lives are made up of millions of “road trips” (metaphorically of course) that never go quite as planned. We get lost but we always end up at the destination. Maybe not the destination we originally planned, maybe one we never even knew about, but we always end up where we should be.

I hope that you get lost. Because if you are always getting lost, you are always finding out new things about yourself, and if you are lucky – about others too.

Get lost. Find Yourself.

Theories About the Universe

“I am trying to see things in perspective. My dog wants a bite of my chocolate chip bagel. I know she cannot have this, because chocolate makes dogs very sick. My dog does not understand this. She pouts and wraps herself around my leg and tries to convince me to give her a tiny bit. When I do not give in she eventually gives up and lays in the corner, under the piano, drooping so sad. I hope the universe has my best interest in mind like I have my dogs. When I want something with my whole being, and the universe withholds it from me, I hope the universe is thinking to herself: “Silly girl. She thinks this is what she wants, but she does not understand how it will hurt her” – Blythe Baird

Isn’t it ironic? That more often than not – we want the things that we cannot have. Even more so – we want the things that are bad for us. I’ve given a great time of thought to this. Because just like everyone else, I am not immune to giving into the things I desire, even when in my gut I know they are terribly wrong for me. But that is the powerful thing about the mind, we can somehow convince ourselves that these things may be good for us, just maybe they won’t hurt us. But they always do.

Now unfortunately, it generally takes getting hurt not once or twice but maybe three or four or how many number of times to finally get the universes’ message. That is the troubling thing about our generation, we never listen the first time. We think we know best and we do what we want. Personally, I find that I never figure it out the first time. I think for various reasons, including events occurring over the course of my childhood and teenage years, I have made it comfortable for people to hurt me, because I always forgive. Unfortunately though, I never forget. I have the mind of a writer. I keep everything in there. Even the things I want to forget. My truest problem is that despite the dishonestly people have handed me on silver platters, or the pain they have brought to my life – I love the people I love. It never goes away. It is both a beautiful blessing and a heart-wrenching curse to feel as deeply as I feel. But I would not change it for a second.

Everyone has their own story. We all have our troubles and our fears and our mistakes. We all have a past – it makes us who we are everyday. But I think all too often, people use these things as an excuse for why they cannot be the best person they truly can be. I could sit here and say that people have been bad to me or that life has been unfair. I could say that life handed me problems I was too young to handle or that life took away people I loved far too soon. But that is bullshit. I have been blessed with a beautiful life. I have loving parents, and three amazing brothers and despite the craziness or the dysfunction. I would not trade it for the world. It is MY dysfunction, my family, my foundation. I would never take back the heartbreak or the troubles of my teenage years, they forced me to learn hard lessons at an early age and become (as cliche as it sounds) an independent person who knows what I want and who I am.

It takes the bad to know the good. It takes absence to be able to appreciate presence. It takes understanding ourselves to be able to understand others. Life is terribly ironic.

I am writing today, because over the last nine months I have learned a lot of hard lessons. Lessons I have been faced with before – but chose to ignore. Life went to an extreme – life made me step back yesterday, wipe the tears off my face, and made me say enough is enough. I am who I am. I am not going to change. I will always be nice. I will always be genuine. I will be damned if I let people try and take that away from me. I am surrounded by honest, loving, loyal family and friends. They deserve my presence, my focus, my love. Like I said in my last post, “No. 1″, “Some people are meant to be loved from a far. That is okay. That is life.”

Month: February 2016